What did we do last night that was yellow?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
