Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
