Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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