Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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