He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
