Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
