Yo dont text me then not text me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
