That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
