Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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