and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm always down for nudity.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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