Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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