Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
