sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
