Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
