I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
