i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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