His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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