he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
