4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Randomize
