Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
