how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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