nut hugger
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
