can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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