New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
