I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
