like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
