Nicole vs. Life
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You're like the curious george of whores
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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