Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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