he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
