A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
