I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
