I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
