you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
