Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
