I accidentally had phone sex last night
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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