: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
