What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
