Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
