I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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