Pants 0. Shit 1.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
