How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
