i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Randomize
