he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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