Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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