I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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