Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
And then he peed in my hair
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