Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
