I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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