I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
