dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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