Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
