I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
