Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
