I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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