does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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